A way to forget and forgive
by bella rose jane
Summary: Richelle Mead said there would be a nother series to the book. This is how i feel it could go. You have to read to find out how it goes, I want the first part to be a suprise. The title suks I know- i'd aprechiate some idias to change it.
1. Chapter 1

A way to forget and forgive.

I found myself once again looking out my window at the cold snowy ground. My eyes following the gray path, that had been cleared of the dreaded white stuff, to its furthermost point. Once there was no path to follow I fount a track of recent footprints –undoubtedly made by a guardian on patrol- I then pursued them with my willing thoughts till I came to the edge of the forest. Most of the trees had lost their leaves; all of them including the ones with leaves were covered in snow and icicles. There seamed to be no animal life –if any at all- giving the place a deserted look. This place has looked nothing but cold and uninviting since I arrived. The other gardians that had actually talked to me tried to tell me it was never this cold in summer here this was a one of, before they realized I wasn't going to be much company.

Just because I had to be here didn't mean I had to enjoy it. I sighed loudly running a hand through my hair while turning back to my room. I don't know why I keep looking out that window. I barely notice I'm doing it. Maybe a small part of me hopes the next time I look the scene will be different. Sighing again I fall back against my bed wondering if it would be too soon to go back to the gym. When I first got here that's where I would spend all my time except when eating and sleeping. Then the head guard decided it was unhealthy and told me if I kept it up he would restrict me to two hours a day. I couldn't handle that. All that free time with nothing to do. Stuck in this dreary dull place. Left alone with my thoughts. Thoughts about killing that pore innocent. A shiver ran down my spine at the memory. I know I had to do it. It was him or me. If me then maybe them too. I had to do my job. I had to protect them. But still the memory haunted me. Especially his eyes as the last of his life drained from his body.


	2. Chapter 2

I had to protect them. But still the memory haunted me. Especially his eyes as the last of his life drained from his body.

"Agh" I had to stop thinking about this. I started pacing around desperately, trying to think of something – anything to take my mind of this. Just as I was about to give up and start hating myself there was a knock on the door. Just in time I sighed.

"Can I help you?" I asked the young boy standing there. One of the few students who had nowhere to go over the brake. I felt sorry for him. Not long ago that had been me. I knew it sucked.

"Guardian Locklen would like to see you." He said. I nodded before he turned and left, not wanting to hang around. When I got to his office the door was open giving me a clear view of the inside. A young girl sat in one of the chairs opposite his desk her back facing me. She had long brown hair that seemed a familiar color, though I cant think why. They seemed to be in a serious conversation so I hesitated at the door a moment before knocking on the frame.

"Ah. Guardian Castle come in." I did. "Guardian Castle this is Victoria. Her family have been coming to this school for a fare while now, even her grate grand mother came her, didn't she?" the girl nodded. Now that I had seen her face it probably wasn't fair to call her young. She looked to be about sixteen, seventeen. Only a few years younger than myself. "Sadly though her family has suffered a resent loss among other problems. They decided it might be best if she were trained and mentored privately as well as her lessons. Since you seem to like the gym I thought you might take on the responsibility." Damn this guy could ramble. I was going to say no, obviously. I wanted to tell him he was crazy. But looking at this girls face I suddenly noticed how soft and vulnerable she looked. I suddenly had a fierce desire to keep her safe no matter the cost. And just like that I accepted.

"Good. I'm not going to set any rules down you have free reign Guardian Castle. Here is Miss Belicove's folder, her schedule and her family contacts incase of an emergency." He said handing the stuff over.

" I'm sorry. Did you say Belicove?"

"Yes, why?" She asked.

"Its just … I think I know your brother Dimitri."

"Knew." She said in a flat tone.

"Knew?" I questioned.

"He was turned a while ago."

"Oh that." She mustn't know then. She glared at me before standing up and storming out. I was momentarily dumbfounded as to why. Then I realized how I must have just sounded. "Ops." I sighed. "Ill go fix that." I told Guardian Locklen.

"Ok." Was all he said. I left to look for her. It didn't take to long. She was out side the administrative building on a bench, her knees pulled up to her chest.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Than how did you mean it?" she snapped.

"You know my friend Rose Hathaway right?" she nodded. "You haven't talked to her in a while have you?" I sighed.

"No. What does this have to do with you acting like my brother being turned is no big deal?"

"Look just call her." I said handing over my phone. "She's speed dill number three." She looked at me Questioningly but did it anyway. I tuned out of the one sided conversation trying to plan what I was going to do with my new responsibility over this girl. Eventually she hung up and looked at me. Her big brown eyes both sad and shining with happiness.

"It's really true, isn't it? I spoke to him. I know it real."

"Yeah it is." She smiled a small timed smile and handed me back my phone.

"Thank you." She told me.

"Its no problem. So… do you still need me to mentor you?" she nodded a yes. "Hum.. Ok but be warned I don't have a clue what I'm doing with this stuff. I'll try my best though."

"I'm sure it wont be to bad."

"Right. Well I'm going to go think about our training sessions. Come find me If you need anything." When I got back to my room I had to resist the erg to bang my head against the wall. Why had acted so stupid. I wouldn't have done that if it were any other student. God I did it because she's good looking didn't I. Agh I have to get my head out of the gutter. I'm not some stupid teenage boy, who can let his hormones get the better of him anymore. I'm a guardian. I can't let her effect me like this just because she's nice looking. Ok she's sexy as hell and not much younger than me. Dear god if I don't stop thinking about her right now I'm screwed. I finally decided to go take a shower, and then I would call Rose for help. Not about my sudden 'romantic' interest in this girl I barely knew -I had decided to ignore that, eventually it'll go away- but about my new mentor thing. Maybe she could tell me how Dimitri trained her. I could tweak that schedule a little and use that.


	3. Chapter 3

After a few hours I had a schedule and a training plan ready. I couldn't have straight after classes like Rose did, Victoria had an extra-curricular activity that was at a different time each day. Once changing that and making up a training plan – rose was no help there she just said lots of running – I got changed and went to the gym.

The gym here was so much better than the one at St Vladimir's. They had so much more equipment. Everything was new, or close to it. There was twice the space. Rose would have loved it.

After a few hours of training I decided I should go eat something then go to bed. The students would start arriving tomorrow.

A few days after school had started back for the students I decided to give Victoria her new schedule. I walked around the school at lunch looking for her. She wasn't in her room. She wasn't at the commons eating. She wasn't in the library. She wasn't in the gym. I sat down in one of the schools many small excluded gardens on an old steel bench. It would have been pretty in the gardens if it was warm and sunny. I decided to find her in her next class.

I sat on the bench for a while just thinking about everything. I wish I had mason with me. He was my brother and my best friend. He always knew what to say to me when I needed it. He could cheer anyone up. I really missed him. But I had screwed that up to. Because of me he's dead. I should have stopped him from going. I should have paid attention to where we were. I shouldn't have let him go back for Rose. If I hadn't have let the strogoi drink from me I could have gone back for her myself. I should be dead not him.

"What's up?" someone asked, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see who it was.

"Oh. Victoria, it's you." I stated.

"Were you expecting someone else?" she asked cheekily. I can see why Rose and her get along.

"I was looking for you before. We're going to start training tomorrow. I made up a schedule for you." I told her handing her the paper with the times.

"Cool thank you."

"Uh, your welcome I guess."

"Were you ok before? You looked fairly depressed before I sat down."

"I was fine. Just thinking." I said, holding back from poring my heart out to her like I had the sudden urge to do.

"Well if you ever want or need to talk I'm here." She told me.

"Thank you." I said just as the bell rang.

"You're welcome, I guess." She said mocking my earlier statement, as she left for class.


	4. Chapter 4

I had been training with Victoria for a week now. Each day was like test. I would go to be each night having resolved that I would not think about her looks and not think about her in any way other than professional from then on. I would wake up every morning happy with the decision I had made the night before. Then I would go to the gym reminding myself to be strong. Victoria was always early. If I got there earlier to get a head start she would do the same. Always trying her hardest. I would walk through the door and see her worming up, my breath would catch at the sight of her and just like that my earlier resolve was gone. The rest of the day would be spent fighting with myself. Then the whole process would begin again. Every moment I was around her was a struggle with myself. Every day I would get to know her more and the more I learnt the harder it was to keep away. She seemed like such an amazing person. Victoria is such a smart and funny person. She has an amazing personality and she is very mature for her age (when she wants to be). I can't get her out of my head.

Today was Saturday. I was hoping that meant a day without having to be around Victoria, unfortunately that was not the case. Last night I was asked if I could go on a trip with her for a week as her family were going on holiday and she was a student. Because it was not technically holidays a guardian needed to follow her. I was happy to be meeting her family but hopping I would be able to keep my feelings to myself. As I walked to the garages to meet Victoria I tried to put my guardian mask on. I thought I had it to, but as I turned the corner my face fell. Victoria was there with her suit case and handbag. But her face was stained with tear streaks her nose was red eyes puffy and she was looking at the ground.

"Victoria. What's wrong?" I asked concern lacing my voice.

"Nothing, everything is fine." She mumbled.

"Come on Victoria. I'm not an idiot, I know some thing's wrong. You can trust me. You know that."

"You can't get upset." She said as we got in the car.

"Why would I?"

"I don't know."

"Well? What is it?"

"You're going to think I'm a complete idiot. Anyway I'm just going to tell you. Don't laugh. So I like this guy (or I thought I did) then yesterday he asked me to meet him after training. I did and well we were making out for a while (which I was ok with) then things started going too far. I told him I didn't want to do it and he just laughed and said it was too late to say no. He told me he would ruin my reputation if I didn't. So I let him do what he wanted (I told myself that it was no big deal). But I couldn't sleep all night and I keep thinking about it. It was the biggest mistake of my life." She told me, crying hard at the end. We had been driving for a while and I could fell my hands griping the wheel tightly. I had to pull up on the side of the road.

"Why the hell would I laugh at that?" I asked trying to keep calm.

"I don't know I just… I just thought that you would think it was stupid… you know coz I'm so inexperienced and all and your obviously not."

"What do you mean I'm 'obviously not'?

"It's just that it's well obvious you have been with heaps of girls before."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well you're hot. Your also really nice and kind and funny." She said blushing.

"Honestly I've never been with anyone before. Not it that way."

"oh." It was silent for a while.

"Victoria you should never let someone push you into doing something like that."

"I know." She said sadly. Suddenly she lent over putting her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arms around me. I was intoxicated by her sent. Before I knew it I had my arms around her and my head in her hair. It felt so right to hold her in my arms. After a while she pulled away.

"sorry." She whispered blushing. I cleared my thought then started driving.

"It's fine." I told her.

…..FIVE HOURS LATER….

It was really late considering we were now on human time. We were in a small town in the middle of nowhere we were supposed to stop at the hotel that was here. But there was one small problem. There wasn't one. We had driven around town three times then decided to stop and ask someone. Lucky for us there was a 24 hour gas station. The attendant was elderly and sleepy but answered as kindly enough. Telling us that there had been a few passers by asking the same question all week, she had no clue why as there was not and never had been a hotel in the town. When we asked how far to the next town she told us it was another 3 hours.

"So what do we do?" Victoria asked.

"Well I guess we can fold down the back seat. You can sleep there and I will sleep out under the stars. We have some sleeping bags in the back." I told her.

"I can't let you do that. It looks as if it's going to rain."

"Then what do you suggest?" I asked, suddenly having a very inappropriate thought about the two of sharing the back seat.

"The back seat isn't too small." She said. I almost laughed. After about half an hour of us arguing about it I gave in. I had trouble sleeping for obvious reasons.


	5. Chapter 5

When I woke it was very warm and I was more comfortable than I remembered being in so long. I didn't want to open my eyes for fear of losing this peace. After a while I noticed that there was something around my waist and against my chest. I reluctantly opened my eyes to see what it was. Victoria. She was wrapped up in my arms, our legs were tangled with each other's. She looked so peaceful sleeping. I couldn't help but hold her closer for a little while. She was so beautiful, the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. It was then that I realised I was falling in love with her. Nothing I could do was going to change that. I knew from rose that it would be pointless to hide it, to act as if it wasn't there would only make it worse. But I couldn't just come out and tell her. I had to be sure she felt something for me first. If I found she did I wouldn't hesitate to tell her. After a while I could tell she was starting to stir. I gently untangled myself from her and moved away slightly.

"Morning." I said when I was sure she was awake.

"Mmmmm," she mumbled. "Could be better."

"How's that?" I asked.

"Just could." She replied stretching out.

**-A few hours later-**

We had finally arrived at the hotel Victoria's family were staying at for the week, only to find out they weren't the only ones there.

"Eddie!" I heard my name screamed just seconds before I was tackled to the ground in a bone crushing hug. I knew immediately who it was.

"Mia? What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"Everyone is here." said Christian with his trademark smirk.

"How have you been? I haven't seen you in soo long. What have you been doing? You have to tell me everything. What's it like working at the school?" she asked without taking a breath.

"Calm down Mia." I couldn't help but chuckle at her personality. Some things never change.

"Sorry." She said blushing slightly. Then I realised we were still on the floor. I smiled slightly and helped her up. Then there was a door slamming. I looked around on alert only to notice Victoria was not around.

"She seems a little grumpy. She didn't even say hello." Her mom said.

"She had a bit of a problem with another student the other day. I'll go cheek on her." I told them as I walked to the door she just went through. After knocking a few times without answer I walked in any way. Victoria was lying on a bed face berried in the pillows.

"Are you ok?" I asked sitting next to her.

"No." she stated not looking up.

"What's wrong?" I asked having to control myself. My hands so desperately wanted to run through her long silky hair.

"Nothing."

"Come on Vee. You know you can tell me anything."

"I don't know." She admitted rolling over to look at me. "I just fell like crap right now. I don't know. I just can't help but be upset. Maybe it has to do with the other night at the academy."

"I wish you would tell me who it was so I could beat the shit out of them." I growled.

"If I did that then he would ruin my reputation and I would have done that for nothing."

"Who said he would know why I was beating him up?"

"Thank you." She said, putting her head in my lap.

"Anything for you Vee." I told her as I allowed my hand to run over her hair in a soothing gesture.

"Will you do something for me?" she asked.

"Sure. What do you need?"

"Well I don't really need it, but I would like it a lot."

"Alright. What would you like?"

"A Sunday. No a banana split. With lots of chocolate sauce and nuts."

"I'll see what I can do." I told her smiling at her as I left.

The next week went by in a blur. Victoria's family were all really nice. It was good to catch up with everyone. But most of my time that week was spent thinking about Victoria or trying to make her happy. She was upset about what had happened back at the academy and I couldn't see why but I don't think she likes Mia. Every time Mia was around Vicky would leave the room or grow very upset and angry for no reason. I was glad when we finally got back to the academy though. It was tiring to keep my feelings to myself while trying to be as nice as possible to her in order to make her feel better.

Once back at the academy things went back to the way they were before we left. I hardly saw Victoria except in training. She seemed to try harder than ever in training. I wish I could speak with her. I wanted to know how she was going. I wanted to be sure she was alright.

After about a month and a half of hardly seeing her and going crazy I decided to go see her in her dorm one night. Once I got their I didn't bother to knock on the door. I knew it would be open, it always was. Once I got inside her room I closed the door and looked around. Victoria was sitting on her bed crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately worried.

"I…. I... I think I'm pregnant." She stammered.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"I have been sick every morning the last few weeks, I'm putting on weight that I shouldn't be and …. "Well….. I'm late?" she blushed.

"What do you mean your late?" I was confused.

"umm… well… I …. I haven't had my usual… you know … cycle in a while."

"oh!" I stated suddenly understanding. I could feel my face going red. After a while of looking at the floor I looked up at Victoria. She looked like hell. I felt the need to comfort her and make everything better. I sat on the bed next to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know what to do Edd. I can't be pregnant. If I was my mum would never let me be a guardian. I don't think she will anyway. She didn't let my sisters."

"You will have to take a test to be sure. I don't really know what you would do if you are. But I will help you, no matter what." I promised while squeezing her shoulder.

"Thank you. Do you think you could get a test for me? I don't want anyone else to know."

"Of course. It shouldn't be hard."

"It's just my luck for me to realise I may be pregnant the day before my birthday."

"It's your birthday tomorrow?" I asked. She nodded her head looking solemn. I needed so much to make her happy. I hated to see her like this. It broke my heart to see her so upset. Before I knew what I was doing my lips were on hers. For a moment I savoured the taste of her perfect soft lips. Then reality sank in. I couldn't do this. I shouldn't be doing this, at least not now. Just as I was about to pull away her mouth attacked mine. Her hands gripped my hair tightly and she moved her lips with such a passion. I couldn't help but moan at the sudden contact. This kiss was amazing. We both pulled away to breath, I rested my forehead against hers.

"Happy birthday Vee." I said softly. She replied by softly kissing me again, before pulling away and standing up. "What's wrong?" I asked suddenly disappointed.

"I need to go to the bathroom and I'm hungry, but I guess I can wait until the morning."

"I can get you something." I wanted to take care of her.

"I'll love you forever if you did." She kissed my cheek.

"What would you like?" I asked. Loving those two words being directed towards me.

"Some fruit would be nice."

"I'll be right back with some fruit then." I told her as I walked out into the hall. A while later I returned to her room with two big brown paper bags full of fruit. It was way too much but it would last the day tomorrow. I planned on giving Victoria the day of tomorrow so she could take the test then have time to think about her options. It would also be nice to spend a day with her.

"I don't eat that much Edd." She said laughing when I walked in.

"I know but I thought I could get extra now instead of getting more tomorrow."

"Why would you need to get more tomorrow?"

"I'm going to give you the day of so you can take the test and what not." At the mention of the test her face fell into a frown. "Hay. It's going to be ok. I'm going to be there with you. I'll help you with anything. I'm here for you. You know that right?"

"I don't know what I would do without you here right now." She said hugging me.

"You don't need to worry about that. If I could have my way you never will again. I love you Victoria." I confessed to her.

"Really?" she asked looking excited.

"Really. We haven't known each other very long but I feel so much for you. I want to be with you and care for you and love you. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met."

"I love you too. I thought it was just a crush at first but then the other month when that thing happened I couldn't stop thinking my first time should have been with you, then the next day when we went for the holiday with my family I realised that it was more than just a crush."

"I was so worried that you didn't feel the same." I told her as I pulled her closer. She buried her head in my chest. It felt like she was always meant to be in my arms.

"I was worried about the same thing." She told me.

"How about we have some fruit then lie down. You must be tired." She agreed and after a while we were both lying on her bed, her under the blankets and me above. It was so comfortable and peaceful spooning her. At that moment nothing else existed, we were in our own little world and it was perfect. We stayed there for ages just talking about everything and anything. Once there was nothing left to talk about we just basked in each other's company.

"Will you stay here tonight?" she asked after a while.

"I should go back to my room. But I don't really want to move." I told her.

"Good." She exclaimed rolling around to face me then pecking me on the lips. "I love you." She whispered in my ear before kissing me again.

"I love you too." I replied while pulling her into a tight embrace. A while later I joined her under the covers and we soon feel asleep. That was the best night of my life so far and I hoped there would be many more like it to come.

After breakfast in the morning (some of the fruit I had got the night before) I went to the infirmary and grabbed some pregnancy tests without anyone noticing. Victoria had been drinking as much as she could for the last hour. When I got back to her room she was waiting nervously. It looked like she was on the verge of crying again.

"Oh, Vee, it's going to be alright." I told her, holding her close. She simply nodded and went to take the tests. When she came out we both lie on her bed not saying anything. When the timer went off she silently got up and went to check the results. When she came out she was crying so hard. I immediately got up to hold her.

"I'm not pregnant." She said.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I don't really know." She laughed sounding very shaky. I pulled her close and buried my face in her hair. I was relieved and slightly upset at the same time. I sort of wanted a baby. But not now. Yet if she wasn't pregnant now I could never get her pregnant. I was taking that away from her. If she were with me she would never be a mother.


	6. Chapter 6

_**So this chapters short but they all kind of are. I have a lot of trouble with becomeing motervated some times so I have decided to not update again till I have atleast five revews. that should definatly be enough motervation :)**_

* * *

The next couple of weeks were grate. Victoria and I would train together everyday (We kept the sessions strictly professional and she was really coming along). The classes I supervised were fairly uneventful and took up time, while helping me to improve my Russian buy listening. My relationship with Vicky was increadable. We could talk for hours on end about practically nothing and at the same time we could be comfortable in each others silence, just happy to be together. My rounds gave me time to think over everything. I was hardly depressed any more. Of course I was still increadably upset over what I did, but now I could live through it.

After a few months of of calmness and an bit of serenity something happened. The queen decided to visit. Which would mean the whole gang would be here. Unfortunately that meant I would be working more hours. In some ways I didn't mind, I wasn't sure how I would be feeling about my mistake while seeing them. I had just begun to feel better about it and I wasn't sure if seeing them again might make me feel more guilt and become depressed again.

Just thinking about what reaction would come with seeing them all again was worrying me. They were my friends so I should be glad that I would see them again right? I was missing them wasn't I? Of course I was. So why then was I feeling so bad about this? Why was I worrying about this? This was the fifth night in a rough that I found myself sitting just outside the gym thinking over this. They would be here in just a few days, three to be exact.

"What is it you've been thinking so hard about lately?" came a soft sweet voice as someone sat next to me brushing there body against mine.

"The up coming visit." I answered truthfully.

"You don't seem so excited about it." she observed.

"I'm just not sure about it. I have been happy lately and I'm not sure if seeing them again will bring back the memories and guilt, like I felt before we got together. I'm happy to be seeing them. I have missed them. I just don't know. I am honestly scared of what might happen. I don't want those feelings to come back." As I said this her arms had raped around me in an embrace. She truly was so sweet, loving and gentle.

"Try not to worry about it. I'm here for you no matter what. Ill do what ever I can for you."

"I love you." I told her softly truly meaning it.

"I love you too." she whispered before softly kissing me.

* * *

_**Pleas revew. I apreatiat any coments even if it is negative critasism (Sometimes I enjoy that more as it helpr me to emprove).**_


	7. AN

Hay guys long time no see, right? Sorry about that :( . So I have decided that I'm going to leave my stories on this account as they are. I will however rewrite them and hopefully finish them on another account. World of me. They probably won't be posted for a while though. Feel free to PM me if you would like me to personally alert you when there posted.

~Bella Rose Jane xoxo


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